


How to Be the Best You that You Can Be! Tips for Better Living by Fiona Glenanne

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Burn Notice
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fantasies of Violence, Frustration, Guns, Humor, Personal Growth, Self-help, fashion - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 03:10:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fiona writes a self-help book. Humor. Mentions of various characters, implied Michael/Fiona.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Be the Best You that You Can Be! Tips for Better Living by Fiona Glenanne

**Author's Note:**

  * For [baseballchica03](https://archiveofourown.org/users/baseballchica03/gifts).



> A Yuletide Treat.

**Must-Have Fashion:**

Tip #1: A big designer bag looks great and hides all your guns and ammo. Grenades, too!

Tip #2: There are two kinds of high heels that are always good to wear. The kind sharp enough to be used as knives. And the kind long enough to hide a real knife.

Tip #3: You can look great and still be comfortable. Never put on anything you couldn’t wear while kicking someone in the face.

Tip #4: That cool metal bracelet? Move it to your fist when you punch someone for added impact! 

Tip #5: Don’t worry about the C4. It goes with everything.

 

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**Centering Yourself and Meditating:**

These are some things you can think about when you need a nice calming meditation session.

Meditation #1: Think of a person whom you hate. Imagine this person’s neck is in your hands. Imagine that you are squeezing very, very slowly. Remember: the slower you go, the more relaxing your session will be.

Meditation #2: Think of a person in your life that is a huge pain in the ass. Think about going on vacation with this person. You’re on the beach sipping cocktails, or in your favorite city at a charming little café. Imagine that this person’s phone rings and instead of letting them answer it, you grab the phone and stomp on it again and again and again. Imagine the sound of it as it crumples beneath your feet. Think of all the little parts shooting out, never to bother you again. Repeat this image as needed.

Meditation #3: Imagine that you shopping and you find a store that specializes in high end rifles and designer shoes. They serve free sushi to the customers, and the service is excellent. Everything you want comes in the correct caliber or size. You spend weeks here and happily never leave.

Meditation #4: Imagine that you have a magic potion that forces everyone around you to be completely open an honest. Everyone is embarrassed at what they reveal to you, but you handle it gracefully since for the most part, you knew it all along.

Meditation #5: Imagine that your enemy is a shark that is following you. You shoot the shark and feed it to all its friends. Imagine the sunshine on your face as you watch the beasts devour your enemy, smiling down at your reflection in the water. You can call the shark names too. 

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**Tips for Living in the Present and Not the Past**

Tip #1: Stay busy. Your friends and loved ones can always help with that.

Tip #2: Don’t tell your family everything about yourself. Especially your relationships.

Tip #3: Travel. A lot. Try to make some of it voluntary.

Tip #4: Help others. No really, don’t laugh. It’s not as bad as it sounds.

Tip #5: If hanging on to the past gives you the determination you need to survive and achieve your goals, then screw living in the present. You cling to that past as much as you can. But – and here’s the hard part -- only as long as you need to. 

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**Career Tips:**

Tip #1: Never work for an organization that you don’t believe in. If you stop believing in it, quit. If they don’t want you to quit, stab them lightly, threaten them that you’ll put them in pieces if they try and stop you, and leave the country.

Tip #2: Don’t be afraid to change careers if that’s what’s best for you. I did, and I was much happier after!

Tip #3: Network, network, network. Don’t just get to know people with the same skillset as you. Get to know people in tech – you never know when you might need to know someone who’s good with computers to ask for a favor! And people who are into transport are always useful. Forgers, small arms specialists, large arms specialists, you name it. It’s so important to diversify these days.

Tip #4: Taser people. It’s easy. And if you have no choice but to Taser yourself in order to take the other guy down? Do it. Totally worth it.

Tip #5: Don’t skimp on insurance. Trust me.

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**Relationship Advice:**

Tip #1: If you’ve found the right one, fight for the relationship.

Tip #2: Just because he’s the right one, doesn’t mean he’s not an ass sometimes. Make sure he knows it. How else are things going to improve?

Tip #3: Put up with his friends. Even if they’re sarcastic and drink all your beer and have a completely inexplicable ability to seduce women way out of their league, they may not be all bad. And if you learn to work with them, they might even be the one to keep your bf from going off the rails.

Tip #4: Get to know his family. It will help you understand him, and you might find friendships too. After all, they probably share a lot of his good qualities (and probably not too many of his bad ones – I mean, really, how many people in the world could act like him?).

Tip #5: Any relationship faces obstacles. The important thing is to work through these obstacles together. These are some questions to ask yourself, either as a couple or with the help of a therapist: What is the nature of this obstacle? Do we agree on the nature of this obstacle? Whose fault is this obstacle? Is it his again? Is it always his? Is it possible to shoot the obstacle? Is it possible to use a targeted explosion to divert the obstacle? Will the obstacle turn stupid if he thinks he has the opportunity for a big score? How many bodyguards does the obstacle have? Does the obstacle follow a routine? Is it possible to destroy whichever powerful people are protecting this obstacle? Again, wouldn’t it just be simpler to shoot the obstacle? Really, there’s plenty of ammo. And don’t we usually have to shoot the obstacle in the end anyway? Shouldn’t we just get it over with?

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Well, these are some tips that I hope you find useful. I can’t guarantee that they’ll always work or give you everything you want, but sometimes a little extra is all you need. Enjoy!


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